


what you and i do

by iavenge



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Captain America: Civil War AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iavenge/pseuds/iavenge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wanted to go back to lazy Sundays and secret morning coffees at his place and rain pattering the window and fingers tracing patterns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what you and i do

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my drafts for so long so i decided to post it. also an entry for romanogers week day 1: life partners because for once, i'm joining in the band wagon first hand. hope you'll enjoy :)

“Stay out of this one. Please.”

She betrayed him. He thinks. So why should he even listen to her? But, he noticed the twinge of worry in her voice. He hears the secret message she’s passing along. The desperation. _I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to see you hurt._

The silence was numbing. He shoved his thoughts of caring, of wanting to stop fighting and surrender to the wars in front of him. Because he’s so tired, he’s tired of living in this shell of a life after 70 years in the ice only to discover things has changed.

“You’ll only make this worse.”

He wanted to laugh at that. Because how badly can this go? He died (technically) once a long time ago. And this was about Bucky, the only person who was there for him from the start and yet the one time Bucky needed him, he didn’t save him. He didn’t mind giving his shield up, he’s tired. _He’s tired._

“Are you saying you’ll arrest me?” 

This time she’s silent and he can hear the shift in her breathing. The same way her breath hitched when he told her he trusted her with his life all those months ago.

“You said you trusted me with your life. I need you to trust me now.”

He didn’t know if he can muster anymore trust to anyone. But he trusted her. He still do and no matter how many times the itch to understand why she went to the other side was unbearable, he knows deep down she had a reason for this. He just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

“You’re still trying to protect me.” He didn’t mean to sound so accusing, so taunting but he can’t help it because he wanted her here to stand next to him, as his second in command. He wanted to have her to fight this battle together. He didn’t want to think about hurting her because he had to, sooner or later. He needed her. He- 

The effect was immediate. She was back again to her shell, recoiling, but what came out of her mouth astounded him because it was raw and honest and for that one moment, Steve knew none of this conversation was a fabricated lie. “Because that’s what you and I do, Rogers.”

For that one moment, he felt hope soaring that this whole fiasco did and will not damage the trust they put on each other and he could tell the corner of her lips that were twisting upwards as if she delivered the best punch line in the world. He wanted to tell her he got the reference, he wanted to teasingly ask her when they will finally watch _The Hunger Games_ after he finished the books. He wanted to go back to lazy Sundays and secret morning coffees at his place and rain pattering the window and fingers tracing patterns. He-

But the moment was short-lived and he could hear how she gathered herself back together as Black Widow not Natasha Romanoff. “I need to go.”

“Okay,” he was about to drop the call when she called him out.

“And Steve?”

He waited.

“Stay safe.”

The call ended.

xxxxxx

“You know, she’s gonna be there.” 

“I know.”

Sam scrutinized him as if trying to read, if there was anything left to be seen when he’s already so stripped down to the core. “You love her.”

He turned to look at Sam, the loyal friend who had somehow merged his way to this crazy world of avenging, the one who sticks with him when he doesn’t even deserve it. The same Sam who is now stating the most ridiculous thing ever because “Where do you even get that idea?”

“I’m not saying you should give your feelings up. By the look on her face whenever she sees you, she feels the same way too.”

“Sam…” He has totally forgotten how persistent Sam can be.

“You should give it a go. After all of this is over. You both deserve it.”

He stayed silent. It’s not the time now. But really, when was the time ever right for them in the first place? He remembered the fall of SHIELD, remembered fighting aliens by her side, sending her soaring up to the sky with his shield. He remembered carrying her out of the rubble, remembered all the flirty glances and knowing smirks. He remembered the ice, seventy years ago putting the plane on water knowing he could never fulfill his promise of a dance. Now, now he thinks he never was meant to have a home in this lifetime.

xxx

He wanted to scream at her. For being so stupid. For being so reckless. For doing this for him.

He wanted to yell at the world to stop because this wasn’t supposed to happen. She’s not supposed to be a casualty in this crossfire. She didn’t deserve any of this.

That bullet was supposed to pierce him, not her. Not her. Not her.

So when he heard her scream in agony, it’s like his body was attuned to her pain as he rushed over to her, uncaring about the war going on. He kept on saying that this was a nightmare and he’d lived through worse but he isn’t so sure if this was even reality in the first place once he held her bleeding form in his arms.

“Steve…” blood spluttered out of her mouth yet it didn’t stop her from reaching out one hand to him.

“Stay with me, Nat! Eyes on me.” _This isn’t happening, dear God, not again. Please. Please. Please._

He must have had this wild look on his face with eyes bright and hair tousled that she gave him a weak smile. The same smile she gives him whenever she knows he’s thinking too much while looking over paper work. The same smile she has whenever she puts her hand on top of his just to ground him. His anchor. “I told you I’m going to protect you right?”

Bitterly he chuckled and shake his head, “Don’t do this to me.” _No. How did this even happen? Why? What, How? Please._

“I’ve done my part, Steve. Go save the world from going to hell one more time for me would you?” She smiled though it was interrupted with coughs and blood he didn't want to acknowledge, “just make sure not to sleep for 70 years again.”

He wanted to be angry at her for joking at a time like this, but he couldn’t bring himself to - there was still a war going on but he can’t keep his priority straight. He loved her. He loves her. He needs to tell her. 

Maybe he said it out loud in the midst of the cross fire, maybe she has always been apt at reading him or maybe their silence was so attuned to each other that no words are left unsaid. “It’s okay. I know.”

She closed her eyes. He kept his tears at bay, knowing there was still a war he needed to face.

It didn't stop him from carrying her body to a safe place where she won't be taunted by bullets. It didn’t stop him from kissing her forehead and murmuring that he’s sorry and that he loves her. It didn’t stop the rogue tear coming from the corner of his left eye. It didn’t stop the heavy beating of his heart because he’s just lost the one person he loved the most.


End file.
